Kori Patterson
Sharon Aiken
English 1101
November 10, 2009
Divorce
Marriage is a union between a man and a woman who are considered to be in love with each other. However, sometimes a couple chooses to terminate their marriage in a process known as divorce. According to Divorce Magazine, over 49 percent of all marriages in the
There are many reasons why a divorce may take place between a married couple. One of the leading causes of divorce is the lack of communication (Buzzle). Communication between a married couple is essential for a healthy relationship. Without communication, misunderstandings are bound to happen which in turn can lead to arguments. When a conflict arises within a marriage, communication is needed to resolve the issue. If issues are not resolved, this can lead to resentment which can and most likely will eventually lead to a separation. Another leading cause of divorce is the lack of commitment within a relationship. A man and a woman must be committed to being with one another to make a marriage work. However, when commitment is not present it can lead to many hardships within a marriage. Some people view this lack of commitment as selfishness, which it might as well be. This lack of commitment can cause a marriage to be one sided, most likely leading to divorce.
Infidelity is also a factor that affects many marriages across the country. Infidelity is defined as the unfaithfulness to a sexual partner, especially a spouse (Dictionary.com). Studies show that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair during a marriage (Breakupadviceonline). When a spouse realizes that their partner has committed an act of infidelity, it damages their trust for that person, and without trust in a marriage, it is very hard to have a healthy relationship. However, some couples do recover but the majority of these marriages end in divorce. These are just three of the major factors that play a role in divorce. However, there are many other reasons. This includes but is not limited to: addictions, abuse, personality differences, financial problems, different expectations, falling out of love, religious differences, cultural differences, mental instability, criminal behavior, and etcetera (Buzzle).
Some couples try to save their marriage by going through marriage counseling, also known as couple’s therapy. During this process, the therapist, usually licensed will try to help the married couple to resolve issues within their marriage that may be leading them to have thoughts about divorce. Most of the time the therapy is short lived, either due to the fact that the conflict has been resolved or that the couple has realized that their marriage will not work. However, the counseling may go on for many months either ending in success or failure.
When a husband and wife decide that they absolutely want a legal divorce, then they must enter the divorce process. This is a long, drawn out process which can last for well over two years. There are many steps that must be completed before a marriage can be terminated. The first legal step in the process is for the petitioner, or the spouse filing for divorce, to write up a divorce decree. This can be done with or without an attorney. Then the petitioner must go to a courthouse and file for a divorce. Then comes the time when the respondent, spouse of the petitioner, is served the divorce papers. At this point the respondent has to go find an attorney to read and go over the divorce papers. Once each party is completely satisfied with the papers, a temporary hearing is scheduled. Issues like custody, alimony, placement of marital belongings, debts, visitation, and child support are temporarily settled at this hearing. Mediation is the next step to the process but is sometimes optional. During mediation, all marital belongings are discussed. Usually everything is split up equally, but in some instances they may not be. A pre-trial is then set for anything that can’t be settled. Finally, the main trial is scheduled. At this trial both cases are presented with witnesses and evidence for both sides. At the end of the trial the judge will decide on everything presented. At this point, the divorce is usually granted and each person can move on with their lives (DivorceNet). This is just the standard process. Each divorce is different in what steps are taken as well as the length of time it takes to complete the process.
One major factor that affects any divorce is if there are children involved. This disrupts the divorce process, but more importantly it disrupts a child’s life dramatically. During the divorce, the parents must go through custody hearings to determine the custody situation. Sometimes one parent will get sole custody of the children and other times joint custody will be rewarded to both parents. This basically means that both parents must share the children equally, usually on a set schedule. Many times child support comes into effect also. The amount of child support paid is based upon the custody situation.
The most important issue to focus on during a divorce with children involved is how the divorce will affect the child. A divorce is a life-altering and stressful change for most children and affects each child differently. Some children adapt to the change well and intend to make the best of the situation. However, others have an extremely hard time coping with the changes. Some children feel like they have been abandoned and feel a sense of vulnerability. Many experience a sense of grief for the separation while other are angered for the disruption. All age groups are affected by a divorce but adolescents, or teenagers, seem to be affected the most Some adolescents experience severe depression which can lead to suicidal thoughts or actions. Others become violent toward their parents. The most common long term effect of a child that experienced a divorce is that person fears that he/she will fail in marriage like their parents (The Child Advocate).
After the divorce is finalized, some adults have a hard time rebuilding their lives. Coping with the new life takes time. A lot of changes take place. Dana Hinders states that many parents turn into single-parents with only one income (eHow). This is a huge adjustment for people who have been living on a double income for many years. Their spending habits must change and some even have to lower their standards of living. Also after a divorce, many people lose social connection that they once had as a couple such as neighborhood friends and their spouse’s co-workers. The hardest aspect that divorcees without children have to cope with is that they are alone in life. For parents they will most likely have to spend time rebuilding their relationship with their children. This can be a great time for parents to get to know their children better and become more active in their lives.
This is also a great time for someone to pick back up on a previous hobby or begin a new one that they always wanted to do. Their marriage may have been too busy for them to enjoy their passions but now they have the time and freedom to experience the things that they were limited to before the divorce. During this time of an adult’s life, they also have to decide when to go back out into the dating scene. Every person is different in what they choose to do. Some people begin dating immediately after the finalization of the divorce while some choose to wait a couple years. Single-parents usually wait until their children get older and leave the house, although some choose to start dating immediately. Most statistics show that people usually get married three years after their divorce but 60 percent of those marriages will also end in divorce (eNotAlone).
In some instances divorce can be viewed as a positive action. Getting out of an unhappy marriage or even an abusive marriage is a stress-reliever for many people. Not having to deal with the financial problems of family disputes are some positive aspects. If the divorce was due to a cheating spouse then that relieves a person of the stress caused by that situation. A divorce can also open doors to new opportunities such as a job position in another state. A divorce can also lead to a strong friendship between the divorced couple. They may have been unhappy during marriage but are happy as friends.
In overview, a divorce can take place for a variety of reasons. Some of these include lack of communication, lack of commitment, and infidelity. However, a divorce can be caused by simply falling out of love. Some couples try to save their marriage by going to counseling, which can have a positive our negative outcome. The divorce process is long and composed of many steps to finalize the divorce for complete legal separation. Children sometimes have a hard time coping with the divorce of their parents, mainly adolescents. There is life after divorce for the divorcee. They will have to deal with drastic changes including income and changes in social connections. However, they now have the freedom to experience things that they couldn’t while married as well as more time to bond with their children. They also get to jump back into the dating scene when they feel comfortable. The divorce can be positive for people who get out of an unhappy marriage and sometimes it relieves them from other burdens in their marriage. Divorce is something that nobody wants to experience, but unfortunately it is becoming a common thing in today’s society and it is better to understand the process than completely reject it.
